Yes, you’re right. This is about sex. Prudish people, you probably will turn the page quickly to something less threatening. Porno people, you will be disappointed. Voyeurs, nothing for you here. This is about love-making between committed lovers. It is about enhancing the sensual expression between two people who love each other and want to share their lives in the fullest expression possible — a more complete union.

Dr. Pat Love, a respected researcher and oft published author, has written a highly acclaimed book entitled “Hot Monogamy.” I would like to share its perspective with you in hopes that it may invite you to re-think, emotionally expand, and behaviorally connect in a deeper fashion that what exists in your present comfort zone.

What is the most difficult subject for a couple to openly discuss? If your answer is not lovemaking than you are a member of a miniscule minority. To address lovemaking, Dr. Love (what a name for this topic; no it is not Dr. Strangelove) says a couple needs good communication, cooperation, maturity and empathy. Do you qualify or does work need to be done on these prerequisites?

The book “Hot Monogamy” focuses on nine points:

1. Communication about sex: the ease with which you talk about your sexual relationship.

2. Sexual desire: how much physical desire you experience on a regular basis.

3. Intimacy: your ability to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner on an ongoing basis.

4. Technique: your skill at arousing yourself and your partner.

5. Sexual variety: your willingness to add creativity and novelty to your lovemaking

6. Romance: your desire to show love for your partner in concrete ways.

7. Body image: your inner image of your outer self.

8. Sensuality: your willingness to relax and involve all your senses in lovemaking.

9. Passion: your ability to combine intense feelings of arousal with love for your partner.

(Feel free to rate yourself, and your partner, on a scale of 1 to 100 in each category. P.S. Cover your answers, and no cheating!)

Dr. Love also has a Sexual Style Survey with 63 questions for you to rate yourself and your partner more specifically, for those interested and brave enough to get more personal in this awkward area of reflection. The survey may open your eyes to topics that you were not familiar with or seen as relevant.

I am quite aware that the readership of this column is quite diverse, especially regarding age, number of years married, conservative or liberal, loaded or limited libido, open or closed minded, comfortable or not in addressing the topic of lovemaking, etc… My hope is that each person would examine his/her sexuality and how it is expressed and shared with the person you love. This is not about performance, but rather about an intimate sensual connection with yourself and your partner.

The research on the health benefits and personal happiness related to shared sensual connection is overwhelming. Are you not willing to opt for the possibility of better health and happiness for you and the one you love?



Dr. Stathas is a counseling psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, in the Lake Oconee area. He is the founder of the Stathas Life Development Center. He can be reached at (706) 473-1780. E-mail: Stathas@plantationcable.net. Web site: DrStathas.googlepages.com

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