I am a professional in the mental health field. I continually am trying to assist clients to become stronger mentally in order to become more successful in everyday living and in their relationships. Recently I came across a book by Amy Morin with the above quoted title that I thought was terrific and embodies many of the principles that I have tried to convey through my articles. I quote these things and add my own embellishment.
1. THEY DON’T WASTE TIME FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES: No pity parties for these folks! You never have to say to them, “would you like some cheese with your whine”. Pity parties waste time, create negative energy, hurt your relationships, and stifles moving forward.
2. THEY DON’T GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER: People that give away their power become impotent and lack physical and emotional boundaries. I encourage people to know their strengths and come from that position going forward. If you don’t own your power you stay stuck.
3. THEY DON’T SHY AWAY FROM CHANGE: To change is to grow and go forward. Morin lists five stages of change: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance.
4. THEY DON’T FOCUS ON THINGS THEY CAN’T CONTROL: Know what you can control and what you cannot. Focus on what is possible and don’t waste energy in fruitless efforts to go beyond the limits of your power.
5. THEY DON’T WORRY ABOUT PLEASING EVERYONE: When your self esteem is based on how well other people like you, you will continue to be just “blowin’ in the wind” of other people’s perspectives. You will not be centered, empowered, and moving in your own proper direction.
6. THEY DON’T FEAR TAKING CALCULATED RISKS: Morin suggests these self answered questions: What are the potential costs? What are the potential benefits? How will this help me achieve my goal? What are the alternatives? Personally speaking, my two biggest “risks” have turned out to be incredibly successful, satisfying, and empowering. “No guts, no glory” – an old standby motto that still can make sense.
7. THEY DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST: This is one of my favorites. I say that you cannot move forward if your head is still turned backwards. You can’t change the past, can hopefully learn something from mistakes made, and can move forward.
8. THEY DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER: Mentally strong people accept responsibility for a mistake, learn from it, and create a plan to move forward.
9. THEY DON’T RESENT OTHER PEOPLE’S SUCCESS: Jealousy is a wasted energy, fruitless, and it takes you off course. You need to focus on creating your own path. Compliment those that are successful and, perhaps, learn from them as to how you may be more successful.
10. THEY DON’T GIVE UP AFTER THE FIRST FAILURE: Persistence, constantly reflecting on a better course, leads to success. A favorite quote of mine is “I don’t lose, I learn”.
11. THEY DON’T FEAR ALONE TIME: Morin states, “Creating time to be alone with your thoughts can be a powerful experience, instrumental in helping you reach your goals.” Personally I crave and utilize productively my solitude time. Beware of those dependent people who need to be with someone all the time.
12. THEY DON’T FEEL THE WORLD OWES THEM ANYTHING: Entitlement shackles true creativity and growth. Self motivated people earn their successes and, thus, feel confident and empowered.
13. THEY DON’T EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS: They have a willingness to expect realistic expectations and an understanding that persistence and grinding it out ultimately will bring success to a well thought out plan.
Well, Respected Reader, how mentally strong are you based on these benchmarks? Which ones are strengths of yours and which ones need some shoring up? These thirteen deserve to be cut out and posted in a conspicuous place for continued reminding!